July 24,2016

What a beautiful Sunday morning, looking at the leaves that seem to shine as if
they are wet, the silence is defining and refreshing.  This is the time when my
mind wonders back in time.  Why that is I'm not sure but I love it. Remembering
a time when life was so full of play, laughter and not knowing what the future would
bring.

My life had started in a hospital in the 50's to a mother who had not idea what it
was like or meant to have a baby.  All she knew was that she was a mother now
and would do what she knew to take care of me.  She was the forth child to be
born to her parents and pretty much had been responsible of taking care of the
other seven siblings.  Coming home and taking care of an infant that was hers
and hers along was a little over whelming since while she was in the hospital, her
parents had moved to another home, she had nothing for a baby but thanks to
her aunts and uncles she had a bassinet, dresser, diapers and bottles.  So the story
begins of her life taking care and loving me.

As I grew older I would sit in my mothers bedroom and watch her put on her make-up
and comb her hair.  She would talk about how I came about and how my father
had asked for her hand in marriage but she said no.  I remember him coming to
our house when my step-father was at work but couldn't put a face to the man
who would say I'm you daddy.  Mom would tell me that a few family members
would help him to see me and give my mom cloths that they all said were from
them but it really was from my dad.

Well I'm retired now and mom lives with my husband and I.  I knew when my
step-father died that I wanted to take care of my mom when she needed me and
now that time has come.
to say it has been easy...... well some days are and few are not.  I love my mother
with all my heart and want to take care of her but what I thought would be easy
is not so easy.  What do you deal with well I've heard from others as they talked
about taking care of a parent and it is applying to me now.  To actually live it is
not what I thought it would be, I'm I sorry I made this decision... no.  It can be
challenging. It depends on what side of the bed she wakes up to.
I have to talk slower, explain what they are talking about on the news even if
I don't understand it.  Remind her of some simple things and hold my breath
when she says "you didn't tell me that".  Finding what she wants to eat and holding
my tongue when she says she has never eaten that before, that when I have to
think how far back she is thinking.  What drives me crazy at times... well when I
take her cloths downstairs to wash and she says "you shouldn't do that", finally
one day I said with a happy voice, well mom they are not going to wash themselves
something she would say to us when we lived at home...I have to laugh at those
time. 

She remembers way back when as she watches me do things around the house,
the same things she used to do and that really make her sad.  It make me realize that
we are more a like than I thought. 

My husband and I married young and I guess you could say we have grown up
together over the last forty-seven years.  During this time we lived our lives and
raised our four sons.  Life was very busy for us and that meant I was separated from
my mothers life.  My step-father passed and she remarried several years later.
Mom and Pat traveled which surprised us kids because we never knew our mom
to travel our of California.  So our lives where more separate because of it, we talked
on the phone and visited when they settled in Nevada.  Her second husband passed and she was
along again but by this time she was in her late seventies, she had had a stroke by
that time and losing her husband was a big loss.  She developed another way of living
which did not included to much eating but would go to the casino to eat up the
lonely times.  Her health started to decline a bit and had made several trip to the
hospital and thanks to my aunt and uncle she would have a ride home.
We talked her into moving closer (which took a lot)and the move was made.

Its been an adjustment, I was really hoping to share our home but she want her
home and her past.  We live in the country but depending on the day it's too
quite after all she is a city girl.

What it boils down to is as a young mother she had wants for her children and
now I have wants for her.... what goes around..... comes around.

Memories

It's July 5th, our granddaughter's 15th birthday.  She was born in New Jersey not long after
her parents (our oldest son & wife) moved to New Jersey.  He relocated because of
his job but a year and a half later moved back to California.  I had always dreamed of
visiting the East Coast, it was five years earlier while delivering newspapers in the fall
that I had thoughts of what it was like living on the East Coast during fall.  Well I
got my chance after Gianna was born and after 9/11 happened.  We had made plans after
Gianna's birth to visit our son and his family in September and leave on the 22nd.
It was a beautiful time even though our country was still in shock after the attack of the
two towers.  As we sat on the plane in San Francisco, the pilot tried to reassure us
that they had checked the airplane and that we were safe.  We never felt more safe flying than we did that day.  To see our newest granddaughter was such a thrill and we were both so
 excited, I couldn't wait to hold her.
The next day we drove around town and I had that same feeling I had years earlier had returned as I
saw houses with golden shaded leaves on the ground, pumpkins on porches and all had
the American flags hung on the posts of the porches.  It reminded me of a picture
right out of Norman Rockwell.